Breaking the Curse

It has been a rough month. The black dog has been biting at my heels. Anxiety has cursed me with migraines. There have been a few highlights, including my talk for Critical Mass but, I must admit, the writing has been sporadic - at best.

I can't blame writer's block; I am transcribing the handwritten draft of The Department of Curiosities. I have been side-tracked by research to plug up some holes. Character names are in flux. I knew this would be a possibility as I am a Pantser at heart - no matter how I try to plan.

My real daemon has been anxiety. It can cripple. It can curse. It can throw all plans in my face and laugh maniacally as I try to pick up the pieces. Today is a good day, as was yesterday. Life goes on, as does my writing. Slow, but ever forward.

An interesting revelation has dawned on me:  After transcribing the first draft into Scrivener, doing some rewrites and shuffles, the handwritten notes declare I am just finishing up chapter fourteen. Not so. After rewrites and chapter changes, I am currently working on chapter eighteen. My chapters are almost twice as long when I hand write a manuscript. Perhaps this is because the plot timing changes when I write in different formats? Or have I just had more time for the story to mull over in my head - and present itself differently?

The important thing is I have finally kicked the dog in the b*lls and am typing like the wind, only slowing down to fill in the blanks noted for research in that first draft. Our heroes are preparing to take flight to experience new adventures and whispering hints for future tales and a second book.

But first I must finish this one.

chapter 18 rewrites DOC 150915

Of Curiosities, Updates and Blurbs

Chapters 11-15 are transcribed, with many edits and rewrites. 23171 words in ten days! Who'd have thunk it?

It is a strange thing to read a first draft (scribbled in November's NaNoWri, last year) and think did I write that? Gosh, so many adjectives dropped and repeats excised. I know I said I was going to limit myself to a simple transcription - no editing. No surprises - I did not. It would have been  a quicker task had I done so, but less productive.

I blame my study. This year I had earmarked to learn my craft. I have attended local writing classes/lectures almost every month. I found I could not sit on my hands (that would have made it impossible to type) and not add notes to help with my upcoming rewrites.

I am satisfied with the general story line. Phew.  I have insertion of missed clues, reordering - incident to consequence, removing repeats and removing unnecessary sections in some scenes and notes for improving characters. Names have started to consolidate. The big one (and I thank one of my reviewers of my Three Shorts eBook for the comment) was show not tell. I lost track of how many times I made that notation.  I even made notes for book 2 (and possibly book 3).

Here's the current blurb:

The Department of Curiosities.  Book 1: For the Good of The Empire.

Under 25 words: The Department of Curiosities is a steampunk tale of a heroine, mad scientists, traitors and secrets. All for the good of the Empire.

Blurb: Miss Mathilda (Tilda) Meriwether has a secret. Actually, she has several. One of them has shaped her adult life. Another now controls it. Her Majesty Queen Victoria has control of the Empire. She is the Empire - the creator of secrets. Sir Avery works for The Department of Curiosities - the keepers of secrets - especially if they are useful to the Empire. When Tilda finds herself in the employment of The Department of Curiosities, she realises this is the perfect opportunity to uncover the truth behind one of her secrets. But the Queen has other plans for her.

***

I suppose I should start thinking about the cover.

141124 Q victorias secrets ch13 SMALL

The One Where I Confess to Procrastination

This past week has been long and emotional. The muscles in my back and chest are screaming in protest, after coughing fits set off by smoke. I am due back to the doctor next week for a check up. It has taken all of my mental effort to get out of bed.  My manuscript has been neglected. I had not written for over a week.

I have managed to revisit early Joss Whedon, via the first two seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I jumped down the internet rabbit hole and just kept falling further and further into the troll-fed pits of doom (Note to self: do not engage. Do not feed the trolls. Do not let them drag me deeper into the depths of social media doldrums). I have stared, bleary-eyed, into the garden and watched the birds play in the unseasonal rain. In short, I have been honing my skills in the art of procrastination. And I got really good at it.

It takes twenty-one days* to develop a habit; it takes but one to break it. During 2014, I worked to develop a habit of writing daily. I initially wrote four days a week and succeeded in an (almost) daily writing routine after quitting my full time job. I really enjoyed the writing.

I was barreling along, with the end of my first draft in sight. Clues were piling up. Revelations were being, well, revealed. The fate of a major character was at hand. Cue a major attack of procrastination. Any excuse would do. Preparation for evacuation due to a local bushfire was a reasonable excuse. This passed. Minor upper respiratory illness was another reasonable excuse. My hard-earned, daily writing quest was vanquished. I achieved nothing. I had excuses but what was the real cause for my apathy?

Why was I avoiding it now? While down the rabbit hole, I scooted off down side-tunnels to research how fellow writers tackle the Many-headed Procrasti-beast. I then picked up my pen (which is mightier than than the sword in such writerly quests) and found some answers.

One of the main weapons of procrastination is fear: fear of failure, fear of completion, fear of rejection and the reluctance to kill off our darlings. (I will spare you Monty Python's Spanish Inquisition skit played out in my head just now). Fear has been my nemesis of late.

First rule of conquest - know thine enemy. So here it goes (in a more logical order of their appearance):

  1. Fear of Failure goes like this: Oh my god. A blank piece of paper. What if I can't find any words? What if the words are rubbish? What if I run out of ideas? What if my muse abandons me. (Blaming an anthropomorphic personification of a conceptual ideal sure beats accepting responsibility for my own actions.)
  2. Reluctance to kill off my darlings. This can relate to particular pieces of writing or beloved characters. It starts with: I love that sentence. I love the sound, the images. Hey, I wrote that! It is from my soul. It is my precious. So what if it doesn't fit the story? I don't really have to edit it - do I?  or I have really grown to like this character. Oh dear. Do they have to die? But... what if I changed the story? Surely I can rewrite everything/come up with a plausible reason they survived being blown up by a volcano/Aw, come on! Do they really have to die?
  3. Fear of completion: So, I did not run out ideas. Phew. I can see the end in sight. The music is reaching its crescendo. The house lights are preparing to shine. Where do I go from here? Editing is not such a big deal, is it? Then what? What! I have to let people read it? Eep. If I don't finish then I won't have to take that next big, terrifying step.
  4. Fear of Rejection: That is it. I am finished. Huzzah!  What? I have to let my work be judged? If people read my work, what will they think? Am I good enough? What if it is all crap? What if the story stinks? What if it was a waste of my time, their time? If I don't finish, then I won't have to face rejection.
What if... I took a deep breath. I marshaled my defence:
  • Organisation: Start with a plan of attack; write a list. First I wrote a list of what was causing my procrastination (see above). Next I wrote notes on the characters and plot - in an effort to avoid running out of  ideas. As a (mostly) pantser, I find this challenging. I started with notes to the end of the chapter.
  • Accountability: Hello, current blog post. If I write it, I have to do it. I hereby solemnly swear to pick up that pen and write something -- anything. 
  • Productivity: It will take 21-66 days (or much longer) to develop good writing habits - again. I need to start now. I started today. 700 words done. Tomorrow I will write more.
  • My Goal: Unless I move forward there is no way I can attempt to achieve my dream goal - complete a novel, have it published.
My dream starts here, today. Again.

---------------- *according to Dr. Maxwell Maltz. There have been many differing statistics. 28 days is commonly quoted. One study suggested at least 66 days are required.